Nothing like finding out that you as a person is in fact not okay. Since I was really young my life has been full of turmoil. Yes I know those have had it worse than me but my therapist said don’t down play what has effected you.
So here I am in class a few weeks in repeating my senior semester in nursing school and we are going over psychology AGAIN. Anxiety, depression, ptsd, all that good stuff and it hit me. Crap I’m depressed and have panic attacks. I have for years. I just thought I had some weird third heart beat that my heart doc said I had.
The worst panic attack I experienced was when I found out I had to repeat a semester. I get why people think they are having a heart attack. My heart felt like it was going to explode and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I knew I was stressed but I didn’t realize what was going on.
When I realized all this, I felt like my world stopped. I couldn’t focus on anything. My mind was racing wondering how I could miss this? How long have I been feeling this way? All the things that happened in my life and all my feelings came rushing like a tsunami. I went to my instructors with all this and they were concerned I was having a break down and that I needed to get seen right away by a counselor. I was so thankful for their mother bird instincts. They were so protective of me and banded together to make sure I had a quiet place and find a place that would see me that same day.
Thankfully I was seen that day. Needless to say I cried and cried and cried. She just sat there and held my hand and said that I was safe. She told me to let it out and that it’s okay.
That was my beginning of my healing. Just realizing that I had a problem was that first step. It baffled me how I could be dealing with this and love God. I was thankful for my life and God. It doesn’t matter what your faith, if you don’t deal with your emotions properly your emotions will make you pay attention eventually.
LaughingGRL 